Tag Archives: God

Scared but Trusting

Yesterday, I got a voice message from my manager saying that I’ll be getting something in the mail regarding layoffs and voluntary hour cutbacks. Oh dear.

She basically said that I still do have my job, but as of next week there will be another round of rebidding for nursing jobs, meaning that the higher seniority nurses who are laid off will be able to take a whole or part of a lower seniority nurse’s job. Since I’m 0.8 (almost full time), my shift is day/night (not desirable), and I’m in the float pool (requires extra training and more flexibility), I’m hoping that those more experienced nurses will not want my job or will perhaps only take part of my FTE (full-time equivalent, which is 0.8).

I won’t find out until next Tuesday though. Please be praying for me. If I lose my job, it will be really difficult to find another nursing job right now because pretty much every hospital around here is on hiring freezes due to the bad economy and needing to save money.  I’ve been applying to any positions I can find, but most of them require 1yr experience or more specialized training/experience (like ICU or ER experience).

This could really affect John being able to go back to school in the Spring, but we’ll just have to wait and see what happens. John did get a temporary job that will start on November 30th, so at least we’ll have something!  This is only a month long job though.

I am a little scared of what would happen if I lose my job, but I have to remember that last year we were living off of John’s job working as a lifegaurd and swimming instructor. We were just fine and God provided for us. And if we have to put off John’s schooling, it won’t hurt anyone, it will just thwart OUR plans a little more.

God has His plans and we should trust in His sovereignty and that whatever comes our way was by His loving hands. And it’s for our good, whether we realize it or not. Isn’t that amazing?


Mish-Mash

So we haven’t technically had internet these past couple weeks, but we occasionally pick up someone’s signal nearby and can maybe check email once a day. I don’t know if that’s considered stealing or not, but I figure if someone doesn’t want others to use their signal, they would lock it up, and perhaps they are okay with sharing it with others. I think eventually we will get our own wireless internet, and I’d be fine allowing others to use it… it just seems silly that there’s probably over 30 people in our building and we all have our own internet when it would make so much more sense to have only a few connections and share it between us all….

But anyway… enough about that…

I’ve been struggling lately to really study for my nursing boards as I would like to be doing. I have just a day under a month now until my exam, and there is most definitely plenty of material for me to cram into my head again, but it is difficult now that I’m done with school to be motivated to study again, especially without any sort of schedule. I just have to be ready for my exam (and know just about everything I’ve learned over the past two years in nursing school, somehow) by July 10th. Must keep plugging away!

In other news, we got a fish last night for our fish tank! It’s a 55 gallon tall tank, so it’s pretty big. For the past week we’ve been letting the water filter and get ready for some cute fishies to inhabit it… and finally yesterday we got our first “hardy” fish, an Oscar fish. We named him Wally, since we got him at Wall-Mart. He’s super cute and enjoying his new home it seems! At first I was all worried about the little guy because he was ‘resting’ at the bottom of the tank and he wasn’t eating any of the little pellets we put on the top for him, but eventually he must have because they’re gone now! This morning we woke up to a very lively and active fishy, and he really likes to swim through all the bubbles that come from the two bubbler strips… whatever they’re called.

And on another subject (I really should make all these different posts, but oh well)… I’ve been blessed to have read some super good spiritual growth books lately when I take breaks from studying (or maybe it’s the other way around… I take breaks from those books to study nursing? Hmm…). One of the books is about humility and it’s been very convicting. I’ve known for years that pride is the ultimate sin and that God opposes the proud and gives grace to the humble. And that he looks to the one who has a broken and contrite heart. I’ve noticed just how pride permeates into so many areas of struggle, whether it be with my words toward John, my lack of confession/repentence toward others and to God, and my laziness in cleaning our apartment and in studying for my exam. It’s all rooted in my own self-righteousness and pride. Some good practical tips I’ve taken ahold of from book (Humilty: True Greatness, by C.J. Mahaney) are to begin each day acknowledging my dependence on the Lord for everything, since all that I have and am given is totally from Him and not myself, and also at the end of each day to thank the Lord for the day and for all he has provided. Pretty basic, I know, but it’s amazing how easily you can stop doing even those two simple things which really help battle the sin of pride. Some other very convicting things… I have been realizing that when I’m critical of others (which I so often am), it’s rooted in my pride and in focusing on what is wrong with others (as if I have it all figured out, ha!)… when I really should be focusing on the evidences of grace and of the Spirit that I observe in others. Of course there are definitely times to discern if one of your brothers/sisters is sinning and is unrepentent of it and then to exhort them, but that shouldn’t always be my focus (or shouldn’t be the majority of what I focus on). How encouraging it can be to others to point out how you’ve seen fruits of the Holy Spirit and of spiritual gifts at work in them and to let them know! I hope and pray to do this so much more, by God’s grace alone.

Oh (yes, more randomness!)… I’ve been running outside more often!  I love running around the area that we live in! Slowly but surely I’ll be gaining more endurance and strength and then I’ll start going downtown with John to the local Y, where he runs to a couple times a week to workout (and then runs back… crazy man). Praise God, though, for helping me get back into a more active lifestyle. Feels great, and I hope it continues.

One last random tid-bit…I am LOVING cooking more!!! Another praise to God! I tried, I think, cooking five new recipies over the past week! I plan to continue trying more of them and compiling a great recipe book for our family, and who knows, by the time we have kids I’ll have plenty of ones ready to go!


An Amazing Story

One of my friends from college was posting in her blog about her niece, Emmalee, that was born a few weeks ago. The little girl had a rough start and ended up passing away a few days ago. It is such a sad yet amazing story… the parents of this girl held fast in their faith in the Lord and trusted that their little girl was now in the arms of her loving Father. Oh it is such an incredible story… please take a look at their blog if you get the chance. I don’t even know these people but their story has definitely struck a cord with my heart and deepened my faith.


In His Hands

Well I jumped into the “real world” this week by applying to a bunch of hospital nursing jobs for this summer after I graduate at the end of May. I’m hoping for one hospital, but I applied to 4 total, one of which I applied to 10 jobs in that hospital, so really I have no idea where I may end up. It’s a little strange how when I’m at my nursing clinicals at hospitals and have to sort of shadow a nurse for a day how I usually tend to not like what that nurse has to do by watching her, but if I imagine myself doing it by myself, I can see that I might love it. Hard to explain, but I guess it’s just weird to sit in someone else’s office and feel like you could be doing what they’re doing without imagining your own office with your own things and having the autonomy for once (something I’ve never experienced as a student!). Anywho, I am excited that now it is in God’s hands, even though it always has been and always will be, but now I just have to wait on the Lord and see what he brings to me for jobs. I’m planning to give the hospitals a call at the beginning of next week to let them know (aka bug them) that I really would like the job and would love to have an interview. I’ll admit, the thought of an interview right now just freaks me out, because I’ve never had an interview for an important job. I don’t think American Eagle Outfitters or Chipotle counts…

Please pray for me to get a nursing job that fits me well… and pray for my own wisdom and patience that only comes from the Lord… thanks!


Happy Easter… the true meaning of it!

Growing up, I was always excited about easter, but the reason why was because of course it meant lots of yummy chocolately treats and lots of pretty spring colored eggs! And who could forget the cute easter bunny! But… and it’s sad to admit to this, I started to realize the true meaning of Easter only a few years ago, probably toward the end of high school when God was drawing me to Himself and I surrendered my life to Him.   I honestly did not know that Easter was so great because of the empty tomb, the risen Christ who defeated sin and death. All along, even though I considered myself Christian, I didn’t know that Easter was about HIM instead of the Easter bunny. Just goes to show the power of culture and pagan traditions that so easily cloud/distract us from God. I’m sure Satan loves all the springy meanings of Easter…. and seriously, I do think they are okay if they are celebrated for the beginning of spring and not focused on Easter Sunday. So I pray that we believers will cling to the cross and the atoning work of Christ this Easter and take in the joy that He has done the work for us and that we can now be in perfect fellowship with our LORD forever… We could not ever ask for more!  


Worshipping through piano hymns

There’s just something about piano music that gets straight to my heart, I can’t explain it. Especially since the main reason I like certain piano songs are because I love the lyrics of the actual song, but yet I like the piano songs more when they have no lyrics along with them. For example, the Living Room Sessions album by Chris Rice has been a blessing to me today. Songs like “Great is Thy Faithfulness,” “Fairest Lord Jesus,” “For the Beauty of the Earth” and of course, my absolute favorite hymn, “Come Thou Font of Every Blessing” (processional for my wedding)… just can’t stop playing them. They all have significant spiritual memories associated with them, perhaps that’s another reason I love ‘em. And, you can play them while doing just about anything and enjoy them without them becoming a distraction. Ahhh… praise God for the gift of music and how it resonates with the soul.


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