Monthly Archives: March 2011

Discipline and Grace

I’ll be honest, I’ve been sorta avoiding blogging for the last couple days and weeks out of fear and frustration and pride. I have not been keeping up with my bible reading every day as I had hoped and planned. I obviously haven’t been keeping up my daily reflection posts either! 

If I haven’t already made it clear on here (or you might have guessed yourself), I am one who struggles with an “all-or-nothing” mentality when it comes to most things in life. I either do something really well, or I don’t want to do it at all. I usually do very well at those things that are required of me (like school or work), but I’m otherwise pretty lazy. I’ve learned that the motivation behind this attitude is most often rooted in pride. Sure, God calls us to be excellent in all things. We shouldn’t be okay with being lukewarm, especially with our relationship with the Lord. God says in Revelations that those who are lukewarm he will spit out. Not a comforting verse, but oh so needed.

But… we (preaching to myself) also need to be humble enough to keep pressing on, even if that means not doing something to our own expectations. God is not displeased with our best efforts.  And it’s not ourselves (or others!) that we are out to please, but God.  Am I willing to keep working hard, day after day, swallowing my pride (not the most biblical phrase, but you get my point) with this reading through the Bible chronologically, even if it doesn’t measure up to how I want to be or how I want others to think I am? Or am I going to just run away and hide and never allow myself to get to know the Lord better?  

I, along with everyone else (but maybe more so me), struggle with discipline and with keeping routines, and I can easily list off more excuses than you’d ever want to hear (working night shift being the main biggie). But God has been really teaching me lately to persevere, humble myself, and also have some grace for myself. I really can’t expect perfection from myself, and that’s okay.  But I know I need to also challenge myself and not be okay with just okay. Especially when it comes to something as important as reading the Word. It’s a fine balance, and I need to be in prayer about this every day. (The book “The Discipline of Grace” by Jerry Bridges is really helpful with fleshing this out.)

So after all that explanation… here I am, asking you to please be praying for me to persevere and to humbly submit myself to this goal that the Lord has placed on my heart for this year. I don’t want this to be about me and my pretty neat always up-to-date and wise sounding blog. It’s about getting to know the Lord through his Word… and that needs to be my greatest passion in all things. Thanks for those of you who have been praying and checking up with me… God has been still working to keep me reading most days. I’m only about 10 days behind right now (Leviticus and Numbers are difficult to get through!). Gotta keep pressing on!

{On a side note, some exciting happenings that have been brewing over the last couple weeks that will hopefully help me (to some extent!) with my reading and blogging-  I am about 99% sure (not official yet) that I will be getting a day/evening shift nursing position at my current hospital (but different unit) starting in May! I have been working the night shift for about 2 1/2 years now, and it’s been really wearing on me lately, and I’m tired of using my night shift job (and the after effects of never-ending tiredness) as an excuse to my struggle with not only my Bible reading, but things like exercising, eating well, serving others, etc. If I’m working regular hours, I will no longer have others feeling sorry for me all the time and will hopefully be able to start some routines. Praise God!! :) Also, a huge praise is that my hubby has recently been offered a full-time position at a triathlon store/fitness-center. He will be a bike mechanic and a personal trainer, along with heading up their “tri-club”. So exciting… and all glory goes to God for providing these opportunities, ones we have been praying and asking for over the last few years!}